Photographed by Bang Chau

High school can be hell on earth for anybody. We’ve all seen Heathers and Mean Girls. Unfortunately, real life isn’t so comically vicious. Personally speaking, I was bullied in high school for being gay. And I wasn’t even out yet.

I would’ve much rather shared the hallways with The Plastics than the mine field of verbal assaults I had to endure on a daily basis. Fag. Faggot. Queer. Queer Bait. Fruit. Fairy. I heard ‘em all. Plus, a few custom-made terms not suitable for posting.

“Janis, I can’t invite you because I think you’re lesbian.” -Regina George

Please don’t feel sorry for me, though. I got revenge on my tormentors. It was prom night when it happened. After I won the coveted crown of Prom Queen, they pulled the ultimate and final prank by dumping a bucket of pig’s blood on me. They all pointed and laughed at me while I stood there shocked and drenched in crimson red. Naturally, I unleashed my fury in a telekinetic rage killing everyone in sight…oh, no wait…that’s the climactic scene from Stephen King’s Carrie. Okay, I’m back. Really, who didn’t wish they had Carrie’s powers when they were in high school?! Am I right?

I come from a time way before kids started coming out at such young ages; a time before anti-bullying policies were implemented and straight-gay alliances were organized. I didn’t have apps like Grindr to meet other gay boys. I’m from Long Island. The gays had the Park and Ride at exit 53 off the Long Island Expressway. And I’m fairly certain guys weren’t meeting there to swap recipes on how to make a quiche.

It’s been a good eighteen years (holy crap!) since I graduated high school. So, I couldn’t help but wonder what it’s like for the LGBTQ youth of today to attend. Is it better? Is it worse? Has it stayed exactly the same?

Enter the curly-cued Christopher Soto (he seriously has the best hair)! Christopher, 18, is a self-identifying bi-sexual male. With a mix of talents ranging from artist to songwriter to actor and filmmaker, Chris is a former student of Henry Snyder High School who recently punched his four-year time card and graduated this past June.

I enlisted the help of Chris in order to pick his brain on his experiences as an LGBTQ high school student of today. On a sunny day in Van Vorst Park, here’s what I found out…

 

Were you born and raised in Jersey City?

No, I was born in Puerto Rico. I was raised in different states like Florida, New York, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey.

When did you move to Jersey City?

Four years ago.

What high school did you attend?

Henry Snyder High School [Jersey City Arts High School Program].

Describe your high school in three words.

Insane. Eye-opening. Fun.

When did you come out?

Seventh grade.

Why so young?

The way I was raised; my mother was always very supportive. I think it also had a lot to do with my godfather who’s openly gay and married [fourteen years], my uncle was always open and so I felt very comfortable. I came out to my friends first, like always. I had a girlfriend. I came out as bi-sexual. And I still struggle, I go back and forth with it, but now that I’m 18, I just view like this: as long as I’m happy, no matter if they’re a female or a male, I’m okay.

Did you have any worries or fears when you came out?

Being lonely, I guess. I don’t like to be alone. I enjoy being around family and friends. But other than that, losing friends, which I did, but that comes along with it. I was able to find my true friends in the end.

So, in regard to the people who matter most in your life, they weren’t all accepting of your lifestyle?

My mom’s side of the family was. My father’s is a different story. They’re opening up to it now though. I think my father was a little iffy about it at first, he never told me, but I knew.

Do you have a relationship with your father now?

I do.

Who lives in your household with you?

My mom and my little brother.

What was it like to be an openly bi-sexual high school student in Jersey City?

It’s a good feeling actually, especially in my generation. I’m glad I came out earlier than expected.

Were you ever harassed or bullied for your lifestyle choice in school?

People looked at me a certain way, and talked behind my back. But to be picked on every day, I was never the type to allow that, especially with the mom I have. She’s a tough cookie. I guess her personality affected me, so I would never let anyone bully me. And if I ever saw anyone getting bullied, I would always step in to defend.

So it does happen in your school?

I saw it a lot in my freshman year; not to me as much. But I’ve seen it, yes.

Were you ever made to feel like an outcast for being bi-sexual in your entire four-year high school career?
Yes, especially since I am mostly friends with girls.

Does Henry Snyder HS have an anti-bullying policy?

Yes.

Do you feel it’s effective?

The first two years I went to school there, no they were not effective. Not until the new principal came in my junior year did things change. She came in and turned it all around. It got better.

Was the LGBTQ community ever discussed openly at your school? Like from school officials, teachers, or at assemblies? Was it an open topic of conversation?

It was kind of low-key actually. The school wasn’t like, “Go LGBT! Woo!” They would make announcements about LGBT this or that, but it was like last minute at the end.

Were you okay with that?

No, there were certain people I met who I knew were in the closet and felt pushed to the side. And my school is known for fights and gangs. No one really wanted to be open; no one wanted to really come out.

Were you ever in a physical altercation?

Yes, in high school I had a boyfriend and he got jumped.

Was he jumped because he was gay?

I think so. But, they did fight, my boyfriend and this guy and some other guys. I was there, Superman, and I did protect my boyfriend. I beat them up. I don’t stand for violence, but I will to defend someone or myself.

Was there a gay-straight alliance at your school?

Yes, but not until the new principal came. It wasn’t really strong. There was an event once. It was a moment of silence. You would hold a red-paper flag to symbolize you’re supportive of the LGBT, and we were quiet for all those who took their life. That was a pretty big event in our school, but other than that I hadn’t really seen anything else.

Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend now?

No, I’m single.

Is it difficult for the LGBTQ youth, like 18 and under, to meet and date these days?

My generation is all about Grindr and Jack’d. I’ve tried, but dating sites and apps are not for me. My generation is all about sex and my mom was always on top of me about [sexually] transmitted diseases even before I came out, so I was always skeptical about dating someone older than me or dating someone online. Now that I’m 18, I’m a little more open.

Well, how else do you meet them? I’m 36 and I still don’t know how to meet a guy! It’s rough. I guess it’s the same whether you’re 36 or 18.

It sucks that you can’t randomly go up to a guy and be like, “Hey.” You don’t know if they’re open to that.

Or even gay. I always tend to gravitate towards the straight boys. Hence, my singleness.

Me too! That’s my problem too. It’s hard.

Do you personally feel homosexuality is generally more accepted today with the younger crowd than it was per se for someone like me who went to high school in the 90’s?

I’ve seen improvement from my generation, especially growing up. I see more people who are supportive, open-minded and people who come out earlier. It’s really nice to see, especially from my straight-guy friends. They are very supportive of me. I feel comfortable in my own skin with the friends I do have and even with the new friends I make.

How do you feel overall about the LGBTQ community in Jersey City? Are you familiar with Hudson Pride Connections Center?

Yes I am, but I don’t get out much. I’m pretty much a homebody, but from doing events and meeting new people, going to Gay Pride in Jersey City and the gay prom, I like the Jersey City LGBTQ community. I was living in PA and I don’t know how it would’ve worked out there. I would’ve had a different high school experience. I feel freer to be myself here in JC.

Any comments on people who believe homosexuality is a choice?

Please, they need to stop. It’s ridiculous. It gets me mad sometimes, especially when I see someone disrespecting someone because they’re gay. Just mind your business.

What stereotypes would you like to dispel about the LGBTQ youth?

That it isn’t a choice; that we’re not a bad influence. We’re not all make-up and hair. Even if I put a little mascara on here and there, that doesn’t define me as a queen. A little make up here and there never hurt anybody.

Will you be attending college?

Yes.

Local or going away?

Local.

Any plans for your major?

I want to major in film and art.

When you do start college, will you be worried about being bullied there?

I thought of that. I think it’ll be more open; we’re a little bit older and mature. I don’t see it being a worry or fear for me.  

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

I see myself on the big screen! I’m a very creative-type person. I love making videos and films. I’ve done art shows; I’ve been in art programs. I use ink and acrylic. I do photography, songwriting, and acting.

You’ve survived high school, do you have any advice for the LGBTQ freshmen, whether they’re out or not, when they start high school in September?

The first day I started high school, I cried. I called my mom and was like, “Ma, I don’t know about this.” We had just moved here, it was my first year. I didn’t want to go inside. I was scared, but I went in and did my four years. If you find the right people, and you build up your confidence, there’s no telling what you can do. Once you have that certain amount of confidence, you can rule the world; even in high school. Be comfortable in your own skin. It took me a while, and it wasn’t easy, but I’m very happy.

Check out a sample of Christopher’s amazing work below!

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Christopher’s story is inspiring to read, and it’s just one of many in today’s teen LGBTQ+ community. Fourteen year old Siena Malmad is launching Teen Pride: an interactive art, spoken word and music festival. It will feature LGBTQ+ and ally teen artists and performers ages 13-19 at Art House Productions (136 Magnolia Ave) on August 25^th from 7-10 pm.

The theme of this year’s Teen Pride is Gender Euphoria. Proceeds from this event will go to the victims’ families of the Pulse Nightclub shooting in Orlando.  They are currently seeking submissions for the event from writers, artists and performers ages 13-19.  The deadline to submit work is August 10^th.  Artists should email teenpridejc@gmail.com to submit work.

For more info or to get your pride on, visit https://www.facebook.com/teenpridefestival/.

For ticket info, check out their Facebook event page: https://www.facebook.com/events/899001486876547/

Teen Pride is an event organized as an art gallery, poetry slam, and concert experience for LGBTQ+ teens and allies to express themselves freely (without judgement). Tickets are $5 per person, or you can contribute origami that will be sold at the event to raise money for the Orlando families.