This is the first post in a column about spirituality and personal growth by Joann Tavares, a psychologist and the creator of Happy Girl’s Guide to Life.
The most important relationship we have in life is the relationship we have with ourselves. It directly correlates with what life mirrors back to us. This is why prioritizing time to practice self-love and check in with ourselves to make sure we are living life in line with our intentions and essentially our truth is so important. We all fall out of balance from time to time, it is part of the human experience. But the beautiful thing about life is that it provides us with the consistent gift of choosing again.
Every time you fall out of touch with the intentions you have set for your life, you have the opportunity to choose again. It’s a scary thing to lose yourself! So many of us are constantly seeking happiness outside of ourselves, searching for someone or something to fill the void of the love we withhold from ourselves. But the truth is we can never truly love or allow ourselves to be fully loved if we don’t love ourselves first. So many of us carry around a sense of guilt in doing anything kind for ourselves. We feel inadequate, as though we are not worthy of it. Women in particular have a tendency to carry around this sense of guilt as a result of playing the role of nurturer. We are taught from a young age that being selfless and putting ourselves last is the noble thing to do. I’ve struggled with self-love my whole life. I’ve spent most of my life seeking that love and acceptance in dead-end relationships when all along it was my lack of self-love causing the void in my life. I would dive head first into relationships with people who were emotionally unavailable. This consistently resulted in feelings of isolation, resentment, and low self-worth. I based my self-worth on what others thought of me, consistently putting the needs of others above my own. I’ve been on this journey to self-love for quite a while and what I’ve learned over time is that self-love is instrumental in our health and happiness. It affects every area in our lives. How we love ourselves is a direct indicator of how others treat us. It sets the tone for how we want to be treated; if we respect ourselves, others will respect us. If they don’t, that self-love will give you the strength to walk away from the situation, because it is not serving your highest good.
When you feel good, you do good. That happiness will radiate from you, allowing you to be the best version of yourself for those who depend on you. Part of practicing self-love involves honoring your needs. You are worthy. Your feelings and needs matter. Make sure you take the time out to make those needs a priority. Self-love doesn’t make you selfish, it is essential in living a happy and balanced life. You can practice self-love in a variety of ways. Something as simple as taking a few minutes to meditate each day, or do something you truly enjoy. Walking away from a person or situation that no longer serves you is a beautiful expression of self-love, because in that moment you are honoring your feelings. A very simple way to practice self-love is in changing your inner dialogue. Many people have very self-deprecatory inner scripts. Don’t be so hard on yourself. We are all figuring it out as we go. In this moment you are enough.
The art of self-love is a journey, one that for me has had many highs and lows; and little by little I’m learning to master this art. Our truth is incredibly valuable and precious, so it is imperative that we protect and nurture it. It has become an integral part of my daily practice and I wish the same for you.
Take some time and commit to integrating self-love into your life. After all, you are a divine being, beautiful, and worthy of finding your happy…whatever that looks like for you!
Happy Girl’s Guide to Life
-Joann Tavares, P.D.
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